Things I love about Heston and life with Heston: Heston's Eyes

I love Heston's eyes.

I love everything about them.

I love his amazing eyelashes.  If I had a quarter for every time someone has said how long his eyelashes are, or how jealous they are of them I would be a wealthy lady.  Thick, dark, lashes for days are one of his trademarks. Along with the prominent, thick eyebrows, these features are both genetic, as well as shared by many other Sanfilippo kiddos.  (As a side note, I have often thought it funny that while everyone wants his eyelashes no one has ever been jealous of his eyebrows, even though they are equally as amazing as the lashes in my opinion 😉haha)

I love the colour of Heston's eyes.  In my science class back in high school I was lead to believe that two blue eyed people would naturally have a blue-eyed child- that was how eye colour and genetics worked.  And yet, here we are, two blue eyed people with a son with light brown eyes.  Obviously my genetics class was an over simplification of the possibilities when it came to passing on eye colour, but non-the-less, I would not have expected us to have a son with eyes other than blue, or a shade of blue.  Heston's eyes are a beautiful brown colour, brown with sort of a clear look to them.  They seem unique, and unexpectedly beautiful.

But it isn't just the physical features of Heston's eyes that I love- it is what you see when you look deep into them.

When you are speaking to someone, so much about what they say is either backed up or proved false by looking into that person's eyes.  While not impossible, it is so hard to fake authenticity and honesty when someone is looking into your eyes.  How often do we fight back tears and struggle to remain emotionally strong when someone is looking into our eyes?  The eyes are the perfect give-away and speak so much more than words that come out of the mouth.  Heston doesn't fake it.  If he is happy, he looks happy, if he is bored, he looks bored, if he is sad, he looks sad.  His face, his body, his eyes they show us how he is doing.  There is no wondering if he is telling the truth, or finding the right words to express how he is feeling.  There are no words.  There never have been.  And so for years Heston's eyes have been our main source of information on how he is doing.

When you have a child that has no words, the eyes become everything.  You find yourself evaluating and reading everything you can from them.  Are the eyebrows furrowed, the sign of something not being right?  Is his gaze engaged, or distant?  Does he look tired?  Lately Heston has more periods of tiredness.  He still has times and days of alertness, with a sparkle in his eyes, but he also has times and days of needing more rest.  His eyes might not focus as easily, it might be harder to get his attention, or get him to look to take a picture for example.  And sometimes, his eyes just need to close to allow him to have a much needed nap.  As his eyes are closing more, and often less engaged, we are especially appreciating the times when he looks focused and interested.

It has been said that eyes are the windows to the soul.  Interestingly enough, sometimes the opposite happens with Heston.  I have heard more than one person say that when they look into Heston's eyes it is as if he is looking into their soul.  His gaze can be long and deep and sometimes almost uncomfortable.  It can be like he can see right through you, to a point where you feel comfort, but also wonder what he sees, or is thinking when he looks deep into you.  Sometimes I feel like he is trying to comfort me, to tell me everything is going to be alright.  It is as if in his peaceful, selfless sort of way, he is showing me just a glimpse of what it will be like to look into the eyes of Jesus, where there would be no reason to fear.

Often when I look into Heston's eyes I find myself emotional, filled with an unexplainable combination of joy and sorrow.  How my heart can be filled with such love for this boy, joy that I get to be here with him, and sorrow for what is ahead for him and us never ceases to amaze me.  I fear that seeing his beautiful eyes is one of the things I am going to miss the most when he is no longer here.  So many emotions, so much to experience all from and through the eyes of a 9 year old boy.  Oh how I love Heston's eyes.